


Keysmash Junior and the Set Up

by CertifiedPissWizard



Series: The Adventures of Keysmash Junior [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, she ships it and also stern would die for her, there's a cat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-01 09:18:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18333137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CertifiedPissWizard/pseuds/CertifiedPissWizard
Summary: Stern accidentally runs into someone while breaking into his hotel room with a bag of kitty litter. It turns out he didn't need to do that. It also turns out that he just made a new friend.





	Keysmash Junior and the Set Up

Stern had been accused of caring about his cat, asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf, sometimes called Keysmash junior, a bit too much. He thought, as he climbed up two floors to jimmy open a window from the outside while carrying a fifteen pound bag of kitty litter, that those people might just be a bit right. However, he mused as he continued to carry the bag while disabling the traps that would stop people from entering and finding his cat, it might be a bit too late to go back on things at that point. Yes, he acknowledged, he could leave the cat with a sitter or just not have one at all, but he’d rescued her and had done a ridiculous number of reverse heists over the years to make sure that she had the supplies she needed. He was committed, it was a point of personal honor at this point. There was nothing that he could do about it. 

There was also very little he could do about the snickering that he could hear from below as he finished maneuvering everything around so that he could get ready to empty the litterbox. There was even less he could do about the fact that it meant that he was seen carrying a fifteen pound bag of cat litter up two stories into his hotel room at two in the morning. He was, as the common saying goes, absolutely fucked. There were only two good options, and he decided, as he scooped the used litter into a bag, that he would try out blackmail first. If that didn’t work then he would try and find another way to deal with the situation. He climbed out the window, clambered down quickly and steadily, a thing that he was very good at at this point. “So,” he said, turning to see Barclay staring at him, a hand over his mouth as though to muffle his laughter, “you won’t tell anyone. Or else.”

Barclay stared in relative silence, except for his muffled laughter. He held up a finger in the universal symbol for wait a moment. When Barclay finally finished laughing he said, “Don’t worry. I won’t. Can I see your cat?” There was silence as Stern figured out what on earth he wanted to say/ “I, you don’t have to show me your cat. I would be fine without seeing your cat I mean I won’t-“

“It’s fine. You can come see her. She would probably like seeing the new face.” Stern hoped that this wouldn’t go wrong as he prepared to climb the wall for the nth time that night, and then Barclay put a hand on his shoulder. 

“You can just use the interior door. You know that right?” 

“Yeah but I’m not sure how asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf would respond.”

“How did you make that sound with your mouth?” Stern stared at Barclay in confusion for a moment, wondering how Barclay couldn’t say asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf.

“Oh, I’m a linguist.” Stern stared Barclay down, waiting for Barclay to respond.

“I’m pretty sure that that’s not a sound people are supposed to be able to make with their mouths, linguist or not.” 

“I’m Italian.” He was honestly having a hard time figuring out how Barclay wasn’t getting it. “Besides, it’s not even that hard to say? If you’re having trouble saying her name you just call her Keysmash junior, though.” The vague hint of annoyance that Stern would have normally felt at Barclay’s inability to say asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf’s name was overcome by two things: it was very late and Stern just realized that he was, in fact, incredibly attracted to Barclay. This was incredibly unfair to Stern, as he really would have liked to be able to continue being mad at people over his cat. It was routine at that point, and he would have very much liked to stick with it. 

Alas, unable to be angry at Barclay about asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf Stern found himself forced to walk through Amnesty with a handsome man late at night to show him his cat. Stern also found himself wishing that he could perhaps walk a bit closer to the handsome man than he currently was, and he proceeded to silently curse how homophobic maintaining decorum was and also his lack of sleep for making him feel more gay than professional. 

Before he had even realized, Stern and Barclay were at the door to his room, which Stern opened with his key, holding up a finger to tell Barclay to wait, and then ducking in and carefully disabling all of the traps. “Okay, you’re good to come in now,” Stern softly called out, scooping asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf into his arms while he did. She made an aborted mrrp sound before proceeding to climb onto Stern’s shoulder. “This is asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf,” he said, refraining from gesturing to avoid upsetting asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf from her perch.   
“Can I?” Barclay reached out a hand, and when Stern nodded began to stroke asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf’s fur. Almost immediately, she began to purr.

“That’s weird. She doesn’t normally take to people like that. She actually caught a serial killer once because of that.” Stern, unfortunately, found himself feeling a bit more interested in Barclay than he was before since asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf liked him. Unfortunately, tired, gay Stern didn’t know if Barclay was even interested in men, meaning that he couldn’t ask if Barclay would be interested in spending more time with Stern. 

“Well, I’m glad that she likes me because I also like aasdfjsdfffffff.” Stern felt suddenly lucky that it was incredibly dark in the room so that Barclay couldn’t see the expression Stern had gotten on his face when Barclay tried to say asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf’s name, i.e. an expression that betrayed the fact that at that moment Stern was quite a bit in love with Barclay. 

“Yeah. Do you want to help take care of her so I’m not the only person climbing through the window?” Smooth, Stern. So fucking smooth.   
“Well, I mean, you don’t have to. The Lodge doesn’t have some sort of ‘no pets’ policy.” Barclay seemed like he might have been smiling a bit; it looked like a nice smile, though it was hard to tell.

“Yeah, but it’s just a point of honor at this point.”

“Alright. I guess I’ll climb through your window to visit aasdfjsdfffffff then.”

“It’s asjdhgv;aksjfdnv!asdf, but okay.”


End file.
